I remember the moment it occurred to me that we might never have a (biological) baby (or babies) of our own. That the fertility treatments might not actually work. That no matter what we did, this was something we couldn’t control. It was terrifying. One of those suffocating moments where you are suddenly reminded that life is a finite existence and “holy shit this is it and what if it doesn’t work?!”
Then it became reality.
After seven years of fertility treatments, miscarriages, second opinions and heartbreak, we stopped. We stopped fertility treatment without success. We don’t have children and we aren’t going to have children.
I know a hundred things went through your mind at the last sentence. Things like “you don’t know that, maybe you will get pregnant on your own, maybe you will decide to adopt, maybe you will try IVF again” and so on and so on. That’s a natural human reaction, to deflect from things that are too difficult or too uncomfortable to consider.
Nobody wants to talk about the people who didn’t get their happy ending, and this is how we became part of The Other Side. The Other Side is those of us who wanted children but for whatever reason, we do not have them. There are lots of paths to the Other Side but however you got there, here you are.
It’s lonely and it’s scary over here. Realizing that your life isn’t going to turn out how you thought it would be a very difficult thing to accept. It hurts, it makes you angry (oh so angry), it is lonely, and it changes you. Yes, you are forever changed. You might not know it yet, but you are not the same person you were when you began the journey and there is no turning back. I am sorry, my friend but it is true.
But you don’t have to go through it alone. This site, this blog, is here to create a community. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
Welcome to the Other Side.